I'm watching my words transfer here to you through the eyes of last night's tears, and I'm completely okay with that. In fact, I'm thankful for it. I'm really, really thankful for it.
I would like to encourage those of you who are wifed up, and especially those of you WANTING to be wifed up... Stop feeding "perfect marriage/relationship" bullshit to yourself, your significant, and those you share your life with. With wisdom comes wrinkles, and if you're shooting Botox into your conflict muscles, you're completely missing the point of progress.
My husband and I went through our first heated discussion in a long time last night, and although I experienced shame, doubt, sadness and anger throughout those 20-30 minutes, I was blessed with growth, vulnerability, relief and partnership when I awoke this morning.
The most important workings of it all...
I EMBRACED EVERY EMOTION
I EXPRESSED EVERY OPINION
I ACKNOWLEDGED THAT IT WAS HAPPENING
I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN
I ALLOWED IT TO HAPPEN
AND I CHOSE TO GROW
The very sad fact about society today, is that so many of you feel as if these moments are dysfunctions... a sign of weakness, and may bear such weight on your relationship that it becomes impossible to stand tall together. The thing is, they AREN'T dysfunctions. These moments are more functional than most, as they are your chance to choose love, to choose communication, self evaluation, and the bettering of life together as a unit.
I have walked hand in hand with a few of my friends on this subject lately, and the point I worked to drive is this:
Being a wife can be really fking hard, OK?
-You do not float through this cloud of bliss every moment
-He will slip on the compliments you think you deserve each day
-He will get tired of your expectations
-Your insecurities are not hot, and he will not pacify them
-He speaks a completely different language than you do, and neither should be ALL CAPS
-You do not receive perfect opportunities to talk things out as if guided by some in-house specialist with each disagreement
-He is imperfect
-YOU are imperfect
What you DO get-if you're doing it right-is occasional Rock-Em Sock-Em Robot moments that encourage you to do your very best without your heads popping off, and opportunities to swallow your pride before you speak. These things make you stronger. They encourage growth on the other side, and if you act as if these things do not exist, you're cheating yourself, and your life together.
I look forward to these moments with my husband. Not the pure definition of conflict, but more-so the process of progress. It's easy to find little victories in the routines, the vacations, and the insta posts, but it's HARD to wife up during the defeats, the slip ups, the daily stresses, and the realness of life without filters.
Choosing to be a wife means making a promise to go beyond making their coffee, and discussing goals over that coffee with them... opening the sleepy eyes and thanking your lucky stars you've got a partner to share this warmth with. It means with a ring comes HIS (or her) promise too, to love, respect and understand your strengths and weaknesses, not build, or solve them for you. Choosing to be a wife is choosing to be one half of a whole that isn't always the stronger part, but should always try to be. It's dirty, it can be tiring, it bends you in ways yoga can't, and if you think it's about the dress, the title, the ring, the ownership and the hydrant to pee on...
YOU AIN'T READY, HONEY.
Last night's tears brought me a cleaner, clearer vision this morning... of the tolerance my partner in life truly has... regardless of my sh*t eating smirks and stank a$$ attitude at times. He gets that these 8+ years have brought several versions of us, each one slightly bigger, badder, and better.
He gets that marriage is showing all-but playing the right cards, and being a wife...
IS REALLY FKING HARD.
Loving without rose colored glasses,
Les
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